^^

Here I am, staring at the blank screen with a horrifying headache I've been bearing since Friday night. Maybe I'm just too tired. I got so desperate I went asking Ryan for eggs. Heh.

I've been sleeping all day yesterday, and made omelette last midnight. ^^

That was when I saw it snow heavily. I can't help but to put a very wide smile on my face despite the booming in my head.

This is how it looks like outside my room this morning. Still snowing by the way..

Anyways, I've been spending a month before I came here, looking for quotes everywhere possible and writing them down in a book. Something I enjoy besides art. ( :

Here are some I find pretty hillarious

..Nothing is impossible, but I've been doing nothing for years

..Hardwork never killed anyone, but why take a chance?

..There are no stupid questions, just stupid people!

..Never take life too seriously. No one gets out alive anyway.

..It is simple to be wise. Just think of something to say and don't say it.

"Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown..

BUT

It takes only 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch slap that Son of a Gun upside the head!"

^^

Finally an update. Gah.. Been procrastinating for quite some time now..

Recently, I've been lying on my bed, thinking about the past that I've tried not thinking about for half the year. I know. Stupid me. Hahah.. It was then I realised, how stupid I was for making those mistakes. Mistakes that I've sworn not to do. The thoughts of the past are haunting me again.

I spent the whole year being sad for someone who doesn't deserve me at all, hurting the ones who cared for me, to see me that hurt and sad almost all the time. I didn't get to choose. I didn't know how, and I didn't know what to do. That person wiped the smile off my face, and I let it happen.

Used to blog about everything that came to my mind, the anger and the disappointments I had towards life, that it made my blog turn dark and gloomy. Pity the readers I had before. But I can't help it. I guess it's easier to open up to a blog rather than to someone?

I'm now settled here. Kursk, Russia. So far away from home, away from everything that I tried running away from. Friends of mine suggested a title for my new public blog, Greenfield. They quote,

"The grass is always greener on the other side"

Prolly. ( :

One mistake I knew I made after a month plus that I've been here, is that I made the wrong choice for being here. Medicine. But there's no turning back now. I'll have to go on until the end, even without the slightest thought of me being successful in gaining victory over this tiny challenge.

Things hasn't been going well at all for me this month. As much as I hope that this nightmare would end, I know it'll never end. I'm stuck.

I met new friends here, catching up with a childhood buddy, learnt how to cook and everything else. I appreciate the ones who I've met here. Even so, I'll never forget those who've been there for me along the way. Though we're separated by distance, our hearts still connect. As long as we know that we're okay in different parts of the world, it already means more than enough.

I realised, that I feel empty. Have you ever felt so lonely eventhough you're surrounded by millions of people everyday? Sometimes, I do. ( : I would turn back time if I could.

P/s: Missing everyone back home. Not easy adapting to a new place without yal. I can't wait to be in Penang and Sabah when I get back. Laksa on me aight?

Love,
Steph

Pisang

Time..

I wonder if people still read this blog. Lol..! Though I moved on to another blog, my heart and thoughts are still preferring this steph0311.blogspot here.. I had a long thought about what to post, and I thought of this. I don't have the perfect ways to say this but it won't kill to voice out something I had in mind. Hope this comes out right.

All my life, I had only these thoughts.
..If you were to treat others with a true heart, others will treat you the same.
..If you're happy, so will others.
..If you were to smile to everyone, everyone would smile back.
..Don't change the way you are, cause that's what makes you special.

There won't always be smooth sailing along the journey of your life. There'll be little bumps here and there like how the waves hit your sailing ship. You'll meet times of trials that will test your strength and will to go through this thing called LIFE along the sail. At that specific point in life, there'll be hardships in FRIENDSHIPS, RELATIONSHIPS, STUDIES and LIFE LONG DECISIONS.

I ran through a few blogs and books. All mainly will talk about friendship and perspectives towards life. What is life? How much can I do to make life worth living for?

All my life, popularity, looks and cool lifestyles were never something I had or want. But you can't deny, that some of the others from who knows where would die or kill to get all these. I learnt that TRUST was a factor towards downfalls in friendships and relationships. Don't let go of friendships that can promise you a long term bond, for a relationship that won't promise you anything. I missed this point from my life, and so did others who I know of. And I had it the hard way. For a relationship that I knew wasn't worth keeping for, I lost so much. Friends, trusts, confidence and happiness.

If I was given the chance to answer these questions, What is it that makes things go sweet in life? and What is it that you'd change if you could go back in time? My answers will be this. What's sweet, are the bittersweet memories I had once with my friends. Friends who used to be true and who were there for me. There when I was sick and sad for things that are as simple as, arguments, family and school work. Friends who I could count on, even when things aren't going to side me. Who'd support me when I fall and put me back up on my feet. If there was one thing I could change in the past, was to not let go of the friendship formed, because of silly misunderstandings and difference in thoughts. I'd give everything back, to enjoy the laughter and warm smiles I once had. From the first friends I knew earlier. From the classmate who evolved to something more. For the batch mates and gangs I had once cared for.

Honestly, there are many things that I regret doing and not doing for the whole year. Like trusting the wrong people. Letting people control my life and bitch about me behind my back for things I havent done which lead to cause my broken friendships. Not trying roti pisang at the cafe or trying the LASSI drinks. Skipping classes for VERY wrong reasons. Hahaha..

But I guess, it's all written. I believe that everything that happened in our lives, the good and the bad, are all written in a book we definately wanna tear. ahaha.. So what's meant to be is just meant to be, whether we like it or not. It's the way life goes. We can never go back in time to fix things we regret. So all we can hope for is forgiveness, and to hope for a better and happier future.

No one is perfect in the world. Things might go wrong for things you havent done before. But this is important. To accept defeat and falls even when it's not your fault that things happen. If sorry was the word to spread to heal things, then sorry is what we should spread. A simple heartfelt sorry wishes to your enemy won't kill you. Instead, it'll melt a person's heart. It doesn't completely heal things, but everything settles when time comes. 'Time will heal things'.

Conclusion? Never repeat a mistake that you've done in the past, so that you won't have to regret later on, like you did before. Keep your eyes and hearts open, to accept hardship and to deal with it with a true heart and confidence. Never change who you are because of what people say or how they think about you. If our mindset is firm enough, no one can ever make you sad and no matter what happens, nothing will affect anything in your life. All I have to say to the world, is sorry for not waking up to see what I once had and that I regret. There are so many things I want to say to so many people. But I don't think that's possible anymore. I don't have the guts to do it. I'm scared to cure broken friendships, and I don't want the broken bonds to be further broken than it already has been.

I hope that things will go back to how it used to be, but I guess that's something that's impossible. The fear is there, that the past might haunt me again. But there's nothing I can do, but to wait for time to heal things for me and others who can live very well without me. Hahaha.. I want a normal life. I want to be me again. ( : And i hope for the very best to everyone else in the future.


P/s: Being happy yourself, sends the happy vibes to others to make them as happy as we are. ( :

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and sing it back to you when you've forgotten the words.

With much love,
Steph. ( :

Heyy everyone...

My new blog url is...

yeesing0311.blogspot.com

^^

Drop me your BLOGGER email addresses here!! I'll add yal in as readers as soon as I can!

ATTENTION!!!!!!

Hey everyone..

I'm shifting my blog....

To a private one...

( :

This blog is too sad already.

Wanna leave all the past in this blog.

It's where it belongs.

Someone told me, to keep all my sadness in a box.

Now I'm following the advice.

I'm keeping it here.

My blog box.

^^

Cinderella.Dedicated to my Dad. ( :

A friend sent me this song. The tune was nice, so I didn't mind listening to it over and over again. When I actually heard the lyrics and took it in, it touches my heart. A song about a father giving his daughter away on her wedding day. Into the arms of another man, her husband. This song shows that no matter what happens, our fathers will always be there for us no matter what we've done. It's cause, we'll forever be, daddy's child. ( : Here's the song lyric and below, is the youtube video. Watch it. I cried watching this simple, yet reachable video.

Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman
She spins and she sways to whatever song plays,
Without a care in the world.
And I'm sittin' here wearin' the weight of the world on my shoulders.
It's been a long day and there's still work to do,
She's pulling at me saying
"Dad I need you!
There's a ball at the castle
and I've been invited
and I need to practice my dancin'"
"Oh please, daddy, please!"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms'
Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh I will dance with Cinderella
I don't wanna miss even one song,
Cuz all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

She says he's a nice guy and I'd be impressed
She wants to know if I approve of the dress
She says "Dad, the prom is just one week away,
And I need to practice my dancin'"
"Oh please, daddy, please!"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms'
Cause I know something the prince never knew
Ohh-oh ohh-oh,
I will dance with Cinderella
I don't wanna miss even one song,
Cuz all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone
She will be gone.

Well, she came home today
With a ring on her hand
Just glowin' and tellin' us all they had planned
She says "Dad, the wedding's still six months away
but I need to practice my dancin'"
"Oh please, daddy please!"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms'
Cause I know something the prince never knew
Ohh-oh ohh-oh,
I will dance with Cinderella
I don't wanna miss even one song, (even one song)
Cuz all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone


*To my dad. I'll forever be daddy's kid*

Thank you for everything you've ever sacrificed for me.

I would want my dad to sing this to me on my wedding day. ( :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tN7_qbOpuWs

What if?

What if, ur loved one says things to you that stabs you like hell?

He says..
...I hope I never meet people like you...
...You're wasting my time...
...My sister says someone will make my life miserable. Now I know it's you....
...Fuck off...
...Don't ever come near me again...
...I hate you...
...Shit you...
...Don't think that I won't dare to leave you even if you keep it...
...I will never forgive you...

What if, you sacrifice damn lot and nothing is taken into account?

He says..
...'I've always done the things I don't like for you, but you never bothered doing any of them to me'...
...I never changed'...

What if someone makes you cry?
...On your birthday
...On your birthday eve
...The day after your birthday
...Prom night
...When you needed someone by your side and gets scoldings
...When you're lost
...When you're sad
...When you find out things that might or might not be true from others
...When you find out things with your own eyes and claimed that it isn't true

What if someone makes you happy?
..The day he says I love you and thought he meant it
...The day he asked if you've taken your dinner
...The day he asked you to accompany him for things
...The day he willingly wants to spend time with you
...The day he holds you and never wanna let you go
...The day he never let's you be alone
...The day he can't bear the sight of you being ALONE
...The day he asks if you were okay
...The day he gave you your first valentine's bear

What if, u're forced to do something that you never insist on doing?

What if, shit happened. And, u don't know what to do?

What IF?
...You knew that it was coming...?
...You knew what was happening...?
...You knew what he's trying to do...?

These are only 'What if's'. Will the love fade away or will still be as strong as before if this happen? If there are ever doubts in a relationship, then TRUST will never be there again. Trust is something that you'll never get back once you lost it. A relationship is important, not by feelings only. What else? Trust.

Life is like a chess game. You've got to pay attention in completing the game and gain victory. If you're never one step in front of your opponent? Then things will end up crappy and it's CHECKMATE You've got to play the game to win it.

I'm back emo again. Thanks to what's been happening.

*Pisang Tebu*